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I wake to the sound of heavy guitar riffs screeching at my eardrums, the same alarm I've had ever since that terrible scene phase in 5th grade. I groan into a pillow and slap the clock from my table. It falls with a sad "twang" and a final, extra-loud CLUNK.
It's almost time for work. I know I should get up and go, but I was up all night at that new club with my friends...surely someone else can cover for me...
What do you tell me to do?
[[Get up. You won't make any money lollygagging around.]]
[[Sleep in. You deserve it, you party animal!]]
[[Say nothing.]]I remember that there's only five people on shift today, and one of them is, ugh, Julie. They won't survive without my experience. The customers will throw a riot over their frappuccinos taking more than three minutes to make.
I take a deep breath in, steeling myself before I throw the covers off in one graceful swoop. The cold rushes over my sleep-warm body, but I force myself upwards anyways. I wrap the blanket around me like a shawl, though; just because I'm being productive today doesnt mean I'm going to be uncomfortable doing it.
A migraine pounds behind my eyes. You tell me to...
[[Take some ibuprofen and eat breakfast.]]
[[Go to the bathroom and wash up.]]
[[.........]]"Hell no, I ain't moving," I think, before snuggling deeper into my pillow and dropping back off to sleep. Everything can wait till later...
I wake up just as the sun slants across my window, directly in my eyes. I know from experience this means it's around 11 am.
Blearily, I stare at the ceiling.
You tell me to...
[[Check your phone, and the blinking "5 MISSED CALLS" message you see on the screen]]
[[Go to the bathroom and wash up. You smell like sweat and stale beer.]]
[[You say nothing.]]I sigh and check the phone on my bedtable. Just as I pick it up, it starts buzzing in my hand like an angry hornets nest. The caller id says "BOSSMAN." I rethink this decision.
You tell me to...
[[Stop being a pansy and pick up!]]
[[You're are 100% a coward who is going to think about absolutely nothing today.]]
[[..........]]I groan in annoyance, feeling the stiffness in my joints before I even move. Brokenly, I rise as slowly, as humanly possible. I am beyond words or feelings. I groan again for dramatic effect, and to prove a point.
Every step to the bathroom leaves puffs of glitter in my wake. The mirror shows the true extent of my party-fueled carnage--frazzled hair sticking up like stalagmites, eyeliner smudged into dark racoon rings under your eyes, and glitter. Why the hell is there so much glitter? What is with that stuff?
I shake my head and get in the shower. While I wash up, I notice a phone number scrawled down the entire length of my arm in neon pink marker. Nice. But when it doesnt come off, even with extra scrubbing, not so nice.
While I struggle, I contemplate what to have for breakfast--or lunch, almost, I suppose. You suggest...
[[Your favorite trash sugary cereal. Today is not a day of good-decision making, and you feel compelled to keep up the trend.]]
[[Eggs on toast. Practical, quick, and energy-packed. What could go wrong?]]
[[Nothing.]]I decide to pour a bowl of "Deluxe Marshmallow Munchies." Everyone says I'm weird for liking these better than Lucky Charms, but they're cheaper and tastier so I don't give a hoot or a holler what those bozos think. I ran out of milk two days ago, so I start eating the cereal with my hands like a rat. I'm still sore, though, and moving at about 1/2 speed, so maybe more like a creepy old rat.
Just as I scoop the first handful in my mouth, my roommate Jessica walks in, looking just as bad as I do.
You tell me to...
[[Nod at her and continue disgustingly eating your marshmallows without shame or acknowledgement.]]
[[Say hey and ask what's hanging.]]
[[.....]]I start to make the practical choice. I've already woken up on the wrong side of the bed, but making good choices now would be a good start.
Two eggs, cracked. Whole wheat bread, toasted. Pepper and salt, added. Viola! A bland but healthy meal. Hesitantly, I take a few nibbles out of the sides. My eyes slide towards the cereal pantry, faintly wishing for sugar, but my starving stomach is worshiping me for providing it actual food.
Just as I take the second bite, my roommate Jessica walks in, looking just as bad as I do.
You tell me to...
[[Nod at her and continue biting at your toast slice like a chipmunk.]]
[[Say hey and ask what's up.]]
[[....]]I nod politely and keep eating. Jessica glares back. Her eyes are smudged like mine and there is glitter in her hair, but her lipstick is still pristine. That's a solid brand, right there.
Jessica doesn't say much on a good day, but just from first glance I know today is a very, very bad day. I saw her down a line of shots like they were water last night, then proceed to tear the dancefloor up so hard one of the boards actually, physically cracked. I am not afraid of a lot, but I am honest-to-god terrified of that lady. I wisely leave her alone.
I finish my bowl and move to stand. You decide right then and there to tell me to...
[[Watch the latest season of "Say No to the 'Fro," the sequel spin-off of "Say Yes to the Dress." It's just mind-numbing enough to complete your trifecta of terrible choices today.]]
[[Check your phone, and the blinking "5 MISSED CALLS" message you see on the screen.]]
[[......]]"Heyf," I say, letting some cereal splittle fly out of my mouth as I crunch through a handful. "Howfs it hangin'f?"
Jessica doesn't say much on a good day, but just from first glance I know today is a very, very bad day. I saw her down a line of shots like they were water last night, then proceed to tear the dancefloor up so hard one of the boards actually, physically cracked. I am not afraid of a lot, but I am honest-to-god terrified of that lady.
Jessica glares with a slow-burning fire in her eyes, but still says, "Not good. Go away," to maintain some form of dignity. I considerately eat my cereal a little quieter.
I finish my bowl and move to stand. You decide right then and there to tell me to...
[[Watch the latest season of "Say No to the 'Fro," the sequel spin-off of "Say Yes to the Dress." It's just mind-numbing enough to complete your trifecta of terrible choices today.]]
[[Check your phone, and the blinking "5 MISSED CALLS" message you see on the screen.]]
[[......]]I stand up and move towards the couch, the one we got second-hand at the garage sale by my parents house. There's an orange stain on one of the armrests that Jessica refuses to touch, but I like to lie my head on it just to watch the way her face screws up in disgust at me. It smells faintly of Cheetos.
I sink into the couch, the world's laziest potato, and toss the old couch shawl over myself. A few sunrays glance off the TV from the kitchen window, but I'm too lazy to close the blinds.
I reach for the remote, and press the power button. The old TV flickers. I smack the remote, as if that would help. The light starts up.
Strange thing is, it keeps getting brighter. I can't see the sunrays anymore. There's just this bright white, and [[suddenly--]]I sigh and check my phone in my pocket. Just as I pick it up, it starts buzzing in my hand like an angry hornets nest. The caller id says "BOSSMAN." I rethink this decision.
You tell me to...
[[Stop being a pansy and pick up!]]
[[You're are 100% a coward who is going to watch boring TV today and think about nothing else.]]
[[.......]]Resigned to my fate, I feel as if I still have some duty to talk to my boss and tell him what happened. Just so I don't feel too guilty about taking a lazy day.
The phone continues buzzing in my hand. I'm not going to chicken out this time, so I take a deep breath, cough, and pick up.
"Hey, boss!" I force a nasily tone in my voice. "Sorry, so sorry, I woke up like--ugh--super sick, think it's some kind of allergy thing, you know how the pollen gets to you in the spring, ahaha."
No reply. He must be really mad...
"...I can come in tomorrow if I'm feeling up to it? I'll take on an extra shift, even."
Static.
"...are you there? Please don't fire me, I know--"
The phone screeches with a wailing static cry. It fills my ears, sinks into my brain, fills my head with dead noise so loud, so deathly loud, and I just want to make it stop and [[suddenly--]]I stand up and move towards the couch, the one we got second-hand at the garage sale by my parents house. There's an orange stain on one of the armrests that Jessica refuses to touch, but I like to lie my head on it just to watch the way her face screws up in disgust at me. It smells faintly of Cheetos.
I sink into the couch, the world's laziest potato, and toss the old couch shawl over myself. A few sunrays glance off the TV from the kitchen window, but I'm too lazy to close the blinds.
I reach for the remote, and press the power button. The old TV flickers. I smack the remote, as if that would help. The light starts up.
Strange thing is, it keeps getting brighter. I can't see the sunrays anymore. There's just this bright white, and [[suddenly--]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. My alarm clock has stopped blinking, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Get up. You won't make any money lollygagging around.]]
[[Sleep in. You deserve it, you party animal!]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]When I was younger, my brother had a video game console I loved to play every so often. I loved making my character move as I please, jumping from building to building at my whims and saying what I want them to say at my demand. When they fell and splattered on the sidewalk, I laughed and restarted, blaming the game for the careless mistake.
I don’t think I like games anymore. I can feel the drumbeat under my skin, tapping ticking trudging, as I wait for my next instruction. Is this what my characters felt? This hopelessness? This loneliness? I can’t move. There’s something breathing on my neck, disturbing the dust, and I can see fangs writhing in the shadows. I never realized how distrubing a heartbeat was until I was stuck alone with it.
I’m nothing. Where are you, my guide, my conscience, my constant companion? Please. Say something. Please.
[[Say nothing. Smile.]]The fangs flay my flesh into flakes. I feel nothing.
[[Wake up.]]I wake to the sound of heavy guitar riffs screeching at my eardrums, the same alarm I've had ever since that terrible scene phase in 5th grade. I groan into a pillow and slap the clock from my table. It falls with a sad "twang" and a final, extra-loud CLUNK.
It's almost time for work. I know I should get up and go, but I was up all night at that new club with my friends...surely someone else can cover for me...
What do you tell...
...
Actually.
I don't need you anymore.
I can make my own choices. I'm not your puppet. I know you're there. You're always in my head, always telling me what to do, always guiding. Well...I want to do things myself, okay? Can you let me do that from now on?
I don't need your permission, anyways. My life is my own to live, and you have no place in it.
Goodbye.Every step to the bathroom leaves puffs of glitter in my wake. The mirror shows the true extent of my party-fueled carnage--frazzled hair sticking up like stalagmites, eyeliner smudged into dark racoon rings under your eyes, and glitter. Why the hell is there so much glitter? What is with that stuff?
I shake my head and get in the shower. While I wash up, I notice a phone number scrawled down the entire length of my arm in neon pink marker. Nice. But when it doesnt come off, even with extra scrubbing, not so nice.
While I struggle, I contemplate what to have for breakfast--or lunch, almost, I suppose. You suggest...
[[Eggs on toast. Practical, quick, and energy-packed.]]
[[Your favorite trash sugary cereal. Not the healthiest, but certainly the most feel-good.]]
[[Absolutely nothing.]]I nod politely and keep eating. Jessica glares back. Her eyes are smudged like mine and there is glitter in her hair, but her lipstick is still pristine. That's a solid brand, right there.
Jessica doesn't say much on a good day, but just from first glance I know today is a very, very bad day. I saw her down a line of shots like they were water last night, then proceed to tear the dancefloor up so hard one of the boards actually, physically cracked. I am not afraid of a lot, but I am honest-to-god terrified of that lady. I wisely leave her alone.
I finish my bowl and move to stand. You decide right then and there to tell me to...
[[Watch the latest season of "Say No to the 'Fro," the sequel spin-off of "Say Yes to the Dress." It's just mind-numbing enough to complete your trifecta of terrible choices today.]]
[[Check your phone, and the blinking "5 MISSED CALLS" message you see on the screen.]]
[[......]]"Hey," I say, swallowing a bite of egg. My stomach growls in thanks. "What's up?"
Jessica doesn't say much on a good day, but just from first glance I know today is a very, very bad day. I saw her down a line of shots like they were water last night, then proceed to tear the dancefloor up so hard one of the boards actually, physically cracked. I am not afraid of a lot, but I am honest-to-god terrified of that lady.
Jessica glares with a slow-burning fire in her eyes, but still says, "Not good. Go away," to maintain some form of dignity. I scoot my barstool a little farther away from her.
I finish my toast and move to stand, placing the plate in the sink. You decide right then and there to tell me to...
[[Watch the latest season of "Say No to the 'Fro," the sequel spin-off of "Say Yes to the Dress." It's just mind-numbing enough to complete your trifecta of terrible choices today.]]
[[Check your phone, and the blinking "5 MISSED CALLS" message you see on the screen.]]
[[......]]I decide to pour a bowl of "Deluxe Marshmallow Munchies." Everyone says I'm weird for liking these better than Lucky Charms, but they're cheaper and tastier so I don't give a hoot or a holler what those bozos think. I ran out of milk two days ago, so I start eating the cereal with my hands like a rat. I'm still sore, though, and moving at about 1/2 speed, so maybe more like a creepy old rat.
Just as I take the last bite, I glance at the clock. If I don't finish washing up in ten minutes I'm going to be sorely late.
You demand that I...
[[Take my sweet time in the shower--who cares about being five minutes late?]]
[[Hurry up! Time's ticking and you don't want to be late.]]
[[........]]I start to make the practical choice. I'm on a roll of good choices today, no matter how much my joints creak, and I'm thinking I should keep up the trend.
Two eggs, cracked. Whole wheat bread, toasted. Pepper and salt, added. Viola! A bland but healthy meal. Hesitantly, I take a few nibbles out of the sides. My eyes slide towards the cereal pantry, faintly wishing for sugar, but my starving stomach is worshiping me for providing it actual food.
Just as I take the last bite, I glance at the clock. If I don't finish washing up in ten minutes I'm going to be sorely late.
You demand that I...
[[Take my sweet time in the shower--who cares about being five minutes late?]]
[[Hurry up! Time's ticking and you don't want to be late.]]
[[........]]I leisurely shuffle to the bathroom on weary legs. I don't care enough about late penalties to worry myself sick about a measlu five minutes. I'm taking and luxury shower and I'll enjoy every minute of it.
Every step to the bathroom leaves puffs of glitter in my wake. The mirror shows the true extent of my party-fueled carnage--frazzled hair sticking up like stalagmites, eyeliner smudged into dark racoon rings under your eyes, and glitter. Why the hell is there so much glitter? What is with that stuff?
I shake my head and get in the shower. While I wash up, I notice a phone number scrawled down the entire length of my arm in neon pink marker. Nice. But when it doesnt come off, even with extra scrubbing, not so nice.
Finally, I get out, get dressed in my work uniform, and start to head towards the door.
The light of the sun assaults my eyes as I walk out. It burns, harsh and blinding, and I push an arm in front of my face to ward it off. But it burns my skin, too bright, and this isnt normal, what is this? It burns and tears at my skin and [[suddenly--]]Oh crap! I stand up quick, knocking my chair over, and groan as the ache in my muscles creaks from the sudden movement. But still I shuffle over to the bathroom to wash up.
The mirror shows the true extent of my party-fueled carnage--frazzled hair sticking up like stalagmites, eyeliner smudged into dark racoon rings under your eyes, and glitter. Why the hell is there so much glitter? What is with that stuff?
I shake my head quickly and get in the shower. No time to waste! While I wash up, I notice a phone number scrawled down the entire length of my arm in neon pink marker. It doesnt come off, even with extra scrubbing. I sigh and give up.
I dry off in record time, throw on a long-sleeve work uniform, and start towards the door.
The light of the sun assaults my eyes as I walk out. It burns, harsh and blinding, and I push an arm in front of my face to ward it off. But it burns my skin, too bright, and this isnt normal, what is this? It burns and tears at my skin and [[suddenly--]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the small window trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the light rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. The bathroom smells of creeping mold and feels like dread. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Your favorite trash sugary cereal. Today is not a day of good-decision making, and you feel compelled to keep up the trend.]]
[[Eggs on toast. Practical, quick, and energy-packed. What could go wrong?]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. The kitchen clock has stopped at 6:16, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Your favorite trash sugary cereal. Not the healthiest, but certainly the most feel-good.]]
[[Eggs on toast. Practical, quick, and energy-packed.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. The kitchen clock has stopped at 6:16, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Nod at her and continue disgustingly eating your marshmallows without shame or acknowledgement.]]
[[Say hey and ask what's hanging.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. The kitchen clock has stopped at 6:16, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Nod at her and continue biting at your toast slice like a chipmunk.]]
[[Say hey and ask what's up.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. The kitchen clock has stopped at 6:16, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Watch the latest season of "Say No to the 'Fro," the sequel spin-off of "Say Yes to the Dress." It's just mind-numbing enough to complete your trifecta of terrible choices today.]]
[[Check your phone, and the blinking "5 MISSED CALLS" message you see on the screen.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. The kitchen clock has stopped at 6:16, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Stop being a pansy and pick up!]]
[[You're are 100% a coward who is going to watch boring TV today and think about nothing else.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]Nope. No way. Not right now. I let the phone ring out and turn it on silent before putting it in my pocket. Not thinking about that right now, no way.
Instead, I start to go into the living room and start my TV watching marathon of the latest season of "Say No to the 'Fro," the sequel spin-off of "Say Yes to the Dress." Dull, boring, and shallow, just how I like my lazy days to be.
I sink into the couch, the world's laziest potato, and toss the old couch shawl over myself. A few sunrays glance off the TV from the kitchen window, but I'm too lazy to close the blinds.
I reach for the remote, and press the power button. The old TV flickers. I smack the remote, as if that would help. The light starts up.
Strange thing is, it keeps getting brighter. I can't see the sunrays anymore. There's just this bright white, and [[suddenly--]]I decide to work on the migraine before cleaning up. Hopefully the ibuprofen and hot water combo would chase away my dancing-feet soreness. I shuffle to the kitchen and pop two tablets in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of cranberry juice, and start to consider breakfast.
You make the decision for me and say...
[[Your favorite trash sugary cereal. Not the healthiest, but certainly the most feel-good.]]
[[Eggs on toast. Practical, quick, and energy-packed.]]
[[...]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. The kitchen clock has stopped at 6:16, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Take my sweet time in the shower--who cares about being five minutes late?]]
[[Hurry up! Time's ticking and you don't want to be late.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. My alarm clock has stopped blinking, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Take some ibuprofen and eat breakfast.]]
[[Go to the bathroom and wash up.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]
I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. My alarm clock has stopped blinking, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Stop being a pansy and pick up!]]
[[You're are 100% a coward who is going to think about absolutely nothing today.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the sun rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. My alarm clock has stopped blinking, fixed on red. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Check your phone, and the blinking "5 MISSED CALLS" message you see on the screen]]
[[Go to the bathroom and wash up. You smell like sweat and stale beer.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]I wait. I’m waiting for...something. That voice in the back of my head, the one that inspires all those impulses and never stops chattering, is silent.
I look around. The shadows on the floor from the small window trees have stopped swaying. Dust caught in the light rays hang suspended, not even my shallow breathing moving the air. The bathroom smells of creeping mold and feels like dread. The only sound is the roaring in my eardrums. It sounds like a stampede.
I wait, and wait anxiously. What do you tell me to do?
[[Eggs on toast. Practical, quick, and energy-packed.]]
[[Your favorite trash sugary cereal. Not the healthiest, but certainly the most feel-good.]]
[[Say nothing, still.]]